New Year New Acceptance

There felt to be something significant about treatment 8. Maybe it was because it marked the transition into the last third of the planned programme. With the battering treatment 7 gave me, I'd had no alternative than to rest more and by the end of the week I felt better than I have in months. Due to the Christmas break, I had a couple of days extra rest before treatment 8 and so I felt really well on Christmas Day and Boxing Day. I enjoyed the lovely dinners Chris cooked and this was such a welcome and unexpected respite. We even had a walk with the dogs on Christmas Day and it was great to be outdoors, albeit wearing a Father Christmas hat complete with beard. I've not been well you know!  

It felt like treatment 7 was the first time I completely gave in and didn't fight to keep going. Part of me was a bit disappointed with myself but feeling so good by Christmas was confirmation that I just have to do this for the remainder of the chemo.
I've been working with Sound quite a bit these last few weeks- just playing the Gongs for a short while each day. I find it so relaxing and the best way for me of approaching anything near real relaxation and meditation. On Boxing Day I shared a Sound treatment with Chris. This was special for me as she has been so supportive and giving right the way through since diagnosis. Not only has Chris looked after me and put up with me in the low times, she's also stepped in and done so much more at The Hub. So to share a Sound treatment with her and see her relax completely was lovely. And the snores could be heard in Great Harwood! 

27th December saw us back at Burnley bright and
early. I had to have my bloods done first thing so the results were back in time for the chemo at 1pm. Once again my veins were on their best behaviour. I think this is to do with ensuring I'm properly hydrated and keep my hand warm- as well as the expertise of the nursing staff. A lovely friend gave me some long gloves and these have been brilliant. In fact, I've not had a problem with the veins since I've been wearing them. I also run my hand under the hot tap just before blood tests and cannula insertion and this helps too. The staff have been so patient about this and its looking like I may get through the treatment without the PICC line afterall. As we had a couple of hours to spare, we went to a local factory outlet and did a bit of sale shopping then had a lovely pot of tea and cheese on toast in their café. Back at the hospital, my bloods were fine so it was cannula time. And once again- wallop! In first time! I'm not used to such an early start and I was tired before the chemo began and very quickly drifted off into that piriton induced sleep.

I don't remember much about the rest of the afternoon and slept most of the way home. Chris lit the fire and I put my head down in the front room for a little nap at 4.30. The next thing I knew it was 11pm. I was a bit concerned I'd not sleep at night but after a couple of cups of tea and a wash, I drifted back to sleep and next thing I knew it was morning. I do think this is all to do with me stopping fighting the chemo. If I had one bit of advice for anyone starting on this path it would be to give in. I don't mean wallow in it and be a sick person. I just mean let yourself sleep and heal.

The day after the treatment I did a bit of pottering with the camper van to get some fresh air. Just topping up the water and putting the battery on to charge and simple stuff like that. We lit the gas fire and just relaxed in the van for a while planning the trips we'd like to make in the new year. It was good to be in the van and inevitably the conversation went
to all the places we've been this year.

The reality of our lives is that we don't have time for holidays as such and the idea of the van was to be able to get away for a day or so at a time. 'Van days' are a bit like 'dog years' in that they feel so much longer than an ordinary day. I sleep so well in the van and can really switch off. The van has certainly lived up to all expectations and this was a lovely, nourishing way to spend the afternoon. I was tired afterwards and Chris did a Sound treatment for me and left me to sleep while she cooked supper. Just perfect to be able to rest deeply and I noticed so fewer physical side-effects from treatment 8.


 The following day we decided to take the van out for a run and drove over to the coast. It was so peaceful and I so enjoyed watching the sun set. Once again we had time to chat and reflect and plan some adventures. But most of all we had that precious time just to be.


I'd not felt up to doing anything for my birthday earlier in December and so we'd agreed to wait 'til I felt up to a meal out. So with a bit of spontaneity, we called at Tiggis on the way home for our favourite treat. The perfect end to a rather
lovely day. 

The day afterwards was a necessary rest day when I allowed myself to stay in bed until supper time. But that's OK. I've finally got the message!


So, I'm writing now on New Year's Day. Yesterday we had our 'Drumming the Year Down' gathering at The Hub and Dojo. This is the 4th year we've held this event and it feels so right to bring people together at the end of the year to reflect and look forward. Yesterday's focus was very much on Gratitude. I've read so much lately where people are saying 2018 has been a terrible year and they're glad to see the back of it. I get that and I know many folks didn't have the best of times. However, if we move into a new year carrying those negative thoughts, guess what energy we're bringing with us into 2019! So yesterday we sat in Circle. Two Circles as we created a small group in The Hub and a larger group in The Dojo. One thing I've become aware of recently is that many people have a preference for a small group learning and sharing environment. So, though the two groups idea yesterday emerged because of numbers and the idea of energetically linking the Hub and Dojo with Drumming, I also see it as confirmation of the need to respect and cater for people's preference in terms of group size. 30 years in education and an awareness of learning styles and preference tell me this makes sense pedagogically as well as on compassionate grounds.

Anyway, we sat in Circle and shared Mantra, Pagan and Shamanic Chants within a space of reflection on the positives of 2018. Sharing when comfortable to do so, this hopefully enabled those present to carry that energy of positivity forward into this year. We came home and had a quiet evening and I was asleep long before midnight!

Today I awoke to this beautiful sky. The WooWoo old Soul in me sees an Angel watching over us above Rishton reservoir. The mischievous nob head in me sees vapour trails. Both parts are equally welcome and valid and one of the positives I'm carrying into 2019 is a love and acceptance of my lovely but sometimes naughty Inner Nobhead!

Today is another peaceful day in the Whittall-Hill household- apart from our New Year Sound Bath this afternoon. Tomorrow its blood test day, then treatment 9 the day after. And all is well in my world!

So I start 2019 by wishing all who read this the very best for the coming year. With much Love and Gratitude for your support and encouragement.

Liz x