I write this at the end of the third week of growing my hair! As you may remember, I had my head shaved last September to raise money, through sponsorship, for MacMillan. I still say the real star of this project was Debra who had gorgeous long hair and came on board to support me once she found out about my cancer diagnosis. We went on to raise over £3000 for Macmillan and Debra's hair went to the little princess Trust (to make wigs for children suffering hair loss through medical treatment). At the time of Brave The Shave, very few people knew I'd had one lot of surgery and was waiting for the next. It felt right to only be fully open about it once the cancer had been removed. Part of me thought that keeping my head shaved would disguise the fact I was having chemo. However, I soon accepted, with gentle support from those closest to me, that I needed to talk more openly about my journey. And that is how this blog began.As I had no hair at the start of chemotherapy, I had none of the physical or emotional discomfort of losing my hair. I just kept shaving it and giving my head a polish now and then! Parts of my head became totally bald and stopped growing though there were patches of growth. I didn't really give much thought to when to stop shaving my head. I guess I knew I'd know when the time was right. Two weeks into radiotherapy my eyebrows and lashes fell out which was a surprise. I was told this was a delayed reaction to the chemo so there was nothing telling me it was time to stop shaving my head. Then, for some reason, three weeks ago I just knew it was time and didn't get the razor out when I had my bath.
T0 begin with, my little cap felt like it was attached to my head by Velcro but this passed within a day and my hair has continued to grow and feels soft, thick and mostly even. My little follicles are working hard and I am gaining a rather strange enjoyment from stroking my own head. An experience I'm happily sharing with anyone who wants a feel. Though perhaps I need to tone this down a bit for strangers arriving at The Hub for treatments for the first time. There have been a few perplexed looks from folks who don't know me!
Anyway, this new growth feels symbolic to me and is so appropriate having just passed the Spring Equinox. New life, new growth, new opportunities- so much to look forward to with renewed energy and optimism.
I'm currently very much enjoying not being tied to daily or even weekly hospital appointments. Though I've got daily 'take one a day for 10 years' meds, my only remaining treatment is the Herceptin injection every 3 weeks (that continues until November) and I'm about to start the 6-monthly bone-strengthening infusions. Life feels to be settling into more of a normal routine though I find myself laughing out loud at the word 'normal'! I've been able to continue throughout treatment with quite a bit of the stuff I do work wise. And again I find myself laughing at the word 'work'. Its hard to see The Hub as work as I love it. Its also hard sometimes to know when I'm 'working' and when I'm not. Is it work to be tinkering around with ideas or adverts or playing the Gongs or even getting the books up to date? I genuinely love all of that stuff- even the books if I do it a bit at a time as there's a real sense of satisfaction in knowing everything is up to date- transparent and accountable.
At the end of last year I pulled back a bit on courses and planning. I'm really enjoying getting back to this and a new course has emerged out of what was the 'Step Out Of Thought' course. That course came about as a way of sharing a 5-part relaxation/meditation process that I'd been working with for a couple of years in The Hub weekly Relaxation and Meditation groups. I'd been reluctant to teach meditaion. Who did I think I was? Me with my busy head teaching people to meditate? Then one day I had one of those little woo-woo moments. Sat in The Sanctuary Library during the NLP Masters course I noticed a book sticking out on one of the shelves, a very familiar book that I first read in 1980. 'Illusions' by Richard Bach. And without even picking the book up, one quotation jumped into my mind 'You teach best what you most need to learn!' That really spoke to me and I set about putting 'Step Out Of Thought' together.
The original course, taught over 4 weeks, focussed on each part of that process- Breath work, physical relaxation, Grounding, Thought observation and filtering and respite from thought through guided meditation. I felt it was right to only work with smaller groups to enable the course to be interactive and folks to feel comfortable and I began offering 'Step Out Of Thought' in July 2017. I taught it a total of 12 times over the next year with numbers ranging from 8 to 12. There were a couple of day time courses with smaller numbers and they were an absolute delight! The last three courses I found people were returning to do the course again and I started to wonder if there wasn't something else I could be offering.
Over this Winter, one of the things I've been sitting with is the idea of melding a course together based on Step Out of Thought, rooted in the Reiki Principles and also drawing on the practical, common sense philosophy of the NLP Mercedes Model. And when I came to start planning for Spring, the structure for this was there waiting for me. The seed sown last Autumn has germinated and quietly grown over Winter, emerging as the seedling of 'Step Into Peace'. I've run the course once now with a lovely group of 12 folks and it feels right to roll this out at The Hub and further afield. The course is rooted and grounded in practical, experiential techniques that folks can integrate into their everyday life. Though I do include some anecdotal stuff to illustrate how these practices have worked for me, its not just me chatting about my life and experience. The intention is to guide people to draw from the same resources that have worked for me without any expectation of sameness. What works for one, may not for others and acknowledgement of that unique individuality is essential to retain authenticity.
Other seeds have germinated and are starting to grow- this weekend's Reiki Support Day was one of them. There's a danger in teaching Reiki of making things unnecessarily complicated. My journey here has very much been about stripping back to the basics and supporting folks in finding their own connection with Energy and Healing within the secure structure of Usui Reiki. Saturday saw 19 Reiki folks coming together to revisit self-healing, share treatments, take part in a powerful Reiki Share in The Dojo and work in small group workshops to explore where we are at and where we want to be. All so simple. The least I interfere the better when it comes to Reiki!
So that's a quick snapshot of where I'm up to 'work' wise. I remain aware of the impact the various cancer treatments have had on my physical body. The main things I'm left with are some achy joints (Herceptin) and a fatigue that requires and responds to rest. The gift in these symptoms is that I am forced to rest and this gives Chris and I far more time to explore how to just Be! And we've continued to nip up to our bolt-hole of Meathop Fell- just 55 minutes from home where a night in the van feels like a week's holiday.
I'm currently looking at turning the Blog into a book and any comments, feedback and suggestions about that would be gratefully received. And I do intend to continue to blog- not sure of when and how yet but it feels right to continue.
So I guess this has been a bit of a checking in Blog. Thanks for reading it and wishing you a peaceful weekend.
Liz x
In the woods with Nessidog and Ella at Meathop.
