Hats, happy cells and chance meetings

I think its fair to say I was half expecting my 5th chemo treatment to be deferred. I'd felt a bit grim over the weekend and wasn't sure if it was the effects of the previous week's Herceptin or an infection of some kind. Before chemo started, I was told to buy a thermometer and check  my temperature if I didn't feel right. If the reading goes up to 37.5 I need to check again in an hour. If it hits 38, I have to phone an emergency number and get to hospital for IV antibiotics. I've found the thermometer test a real comfort and reassurance as, though my temperature has crept up a few times, its not gone over 37. There's a danger, however positive you try to be in all this malarkey, of catastrophising minor symptoms. I use the thermometer as evidence whenever I drift towards drama and need a good self talking to! 

I'd had an easy drive back from Kendal on Monday
morning (after the Yoga and Sound Retreat) to have my bloods done. The rest of Monday I rested and had a treatment at the Sanctuary. There was still that niggle about my blood count but a bit of a reframe around 'a rest might be a good thing' got my ducks back in a healthy row and Chris and I set off for Burnley on Tuesday morning as usual, singing a happy little song!

First port of call was my Oncologist appointment. Inevitably this involves a wait. However, I remember how thorough my first appointment was and how willing Dr Badea was to answer questions. Somehow waiting doesn't feel too bad when you know its probably because the person in the consultation room needs that time and attention. And on this occasion there was definitely a gift in the waiting situation. There were no chemo parking places free so Chris dropped me of and went to park, with our usual little joke about it being easier to go back to Blackburn and get the shuttle bus over to Burnley! I went to register for my appointment and was greeted by the volunteers who run the desk in Outpatients. There's one man there who always goes out of his way to show me to the self check-in screens and I really appreciate that kindness. Sitting in the clinic waiting room a few minutes later I met a lovely lady who is having the same treatment as me. Herceptin every 3 weeks and Paclitaxel weekly. It was good to chat and share our experiences. There are some things that people can only really get if they've been there themselves, and there is something reassuring in the solidarity that comes from shared experience. Next, another lady came in and joined the conversation. She was there for her annual check-up having finished her treatment four years ago. The wisdom, perspective and inevitable humour that she brought to our little gathering was both reassuring and comforting. Finally, a couple joined us. I sensed an edge to their comments and they were less than pleased to learn of the wait they faced. One of the nursing staff came to apologise and took orders for hot drinks and Chris explained she'd met the family who had gone in to see the oncologist some time ago. It was clearly the lady's first appointment and she was understandably distressed. This led our conversation into an appreciation of the time we are given just when we need it. With this the new arrivals to the waiting room visibly softened and went on to share that the lady had only recently had her diagnosis and this was their first appointment. So all in all the waiting gave us that beautiful gift of synchronistic connection.

When it was my turn to see Dr Badea, I confess I was a bit nervous on account of the blood count thing. However, there was no mention of deferring treatment. In fact she was really pleased with how it was going and began the referrals for the next stage of treatment- two weeks of radiotherapy when chemo finishes and follow-up medication. I was able to share concerns about the side-effects I'd ben experiencing and for each issue raised, I was given explanation, clarity and medication. I remember before the first operation in September, I couldn't recall the last time I'd taken medication, prescription or otherwise. Now I have a drawer that would rival a pharmacy. But I'm grateful for every bit of pharmaceutical assistance along this journey.  I didn't mention my blood count to Dr Badea just in case and we went off to the chemo unit for treatment 5. 

Once on the unit with my treatment OKed and cannula fitted, I enquired about my blood count. My white blood cell count had gone up from the borderline 3.1 to a healthy 3.7. The neutrophils had gone up from 1.8 to 2.1. The only thing I'd been doing differently was the treatments at The Sanctuary of  Healing and its certainly been the difference that has made the difference and allowed me to continue with the chemo regime. And the bonus on this occasion was rice pudding with my lunch! I called for a Sanctuary treatment on the way home and had a good long sleep and a rest day on the Wednesday.


Thursday was a normal Hub day with another 
happy hat waiting for me from our Head Gardener! I also received a very precious parcel of hats that belonged to a much loved friend. The kindness that has come with the 'happyhats' thing just blows me away! Relaxation and Meditation Group and just time being around positive and kind Hub folks is healing in itself. Two lovely ladies called in to bring me some homeopathic help with sleep having read a previous blog. This and a beautiful Chakra gift for The Dojo are so appreciated. Preparations for the weekend's Retreat were a bit easier than usual as we'd been able to leave stuff up at the house the previous weekend. So I was able to go home for an early, long and restful night. Friday brought an easy journey back up to Kendal with lots of time to get set up and ready for our Inner Harmony Retreat.   

One of the gifts from my health journey has been Julie and Chris getting more directly involved in the Retreats. I know I call them 'The Holistic Chuckle Brothers' but they are truly awesome and give so much. To me and to everyone fortunate enough to share with them. The weekend was lovely and I felt well throughout, taking part in most things and just having a bit of an early night on Friday. I do feel very blessed to have been able to honour existing commitments that were already in place before my diagnosis. One of my core values is going ahead with things I've said I'll do and it means a lot that I've been able to do that with the Retreats. The help received in this is so very much appreciated.


A beautiful day greeted us on Monday morning as I set off back for my blood tests and what a lovely journey it was. Blue skies and clouds so spectacular and changing throughout. A Hub and Dojo afternoon with lots of light-heartedness was the perfect end to the weekend before going home and once again sleeping soundly and deeply. This weekend felt quite significant it as was our last Retreat of the year and I'm taking a break until March. I'll still be involved at The Hub but am definitely feeling the build up effect of the chemo so will be resting more. I feel very fortunate that the things I love doing the most are the things that are good for me. So my Winter of Content continues. And the glimpses of Spring are rather wonderful too!

Liz x