The treat of a treatment free fortnight

I think its fair to say that I thoroughly enjoyed the break in between Chemotherapy ending and Radiotherapy starting! I guess its that banging your head against a brick wall thing- you kind of get used to it but its so good when it stops! Bit by bit the chemo side-effects started to wear off. Strangely it was their new absence that made them noticeable. The metallic taste in my mouth became less and my taste buds seemed to wake up or emerge from wherever they'd been-

            "Hellooo- Mmmm is that chocolate I taste?!"

The stomach cramps became less frequent. In fact, one of the gifts in this treatment is that I now have meds to deal with naturally occurring IBS that I'd previously left untreated and just accepted as normal for me. Added to this, I have more of an awareness of foods that irritate my digestion and those that make my little enzymes sing with joy!

One of the things that hung around for longer was the skin irritation and again that gave me the opportunity to try antihistamine and different moisturisers and soaps that work for me. And gradually, bit by bit, I felt my energy levels rising. Yes, there were a few occasions when I overdid things and ended up back in bed. But I recognise when I do need that rest and these little set backs are becoming fewer and fewer. Most of all, I accept that its pointless to keep going when I feel the fatigue kicking in. Resistance is futile and I really do enjoy curling up and resting in the quiet with my hot water bottle and whichever of the beasties is on the 'cuddling up with Liz' rota at the time!

After my Radiotherapy 'tattoo' session I had a full fortnight of no treatment. During this time I had some days off, meeting friends for lunch or coffee and just enjoying being in company and chatting with folks. I really did have the feeling of being on holiday. And I felt a deep appreciation for being able to do things I'd previously thought of as mundane, with a renewed energy and enthusiasm. Just filling the bird feeders at home and watching a beautiful array of little visitors to the garden. Even taking Nessidog to the vets to get her anal glands attended to was a joy as I was so glad to have the energy to do stuff. (It has to be said here that Nessidog did not share my joy at this little excursion!) 

Indoor gardening, cleaning, doing the washing, tidying stuff, sorting out clothes I no longer wear for charity shops and generally just enjoying being at home. I had one odd experience with the plants. A few of our house plants were looking a bit neglected so I found some bigger plant pots and compost and gave them more space to grow. There was one rubber plant that had got quite 'leggy' and most definitely pot-bound. However, I didn't have a pot the right size to still fit within its plant pot holder. I promised myself (and the plant!) that I'd call at B&Q that afternoon and get some more pots. I ended up not getting the pots and arrived home at dusk. As I made my way along our lane, I noticed something in the middle of the track. A plant pot! I got out of the van and picked the pot up and took it home. It was exactly the right size that I needed to rehome the leggy rubber plant. I tell you, weird stuff happens round these parts!

During this time I found myself having a recurring conversation with various folks about the journey within and my lessons. I spent an afternoon with my lovely Pagan friend Caroline who willingly shared her wisdom of the old ways which made so much sense. A couple of days after this I was at the Manjushri in Ulverston for some Meditation time and a talk. Again a very similar message. A few days later I spent time with a wise Reiki friend which brought further clarity. I am so grateful to genuine friends who have made time for me and welcomed me into their homes just to be and share. Such precious time and space.


  And of course the wonderful Hub folks who I share Meditation with and so willingly give of their awesome collective and individual wisdom. And how much beautiful humour we have shared over these months!

And my conclusion from this 'Winter of Content', this journey within? I can't speak for anyone else but I realise I only ever react from one of two places- love or fear. The thoughts and feelings that come up when responding to a situation tell me which place I'm coming from. So I have a choice in how I choose to behave in response to those thoughts and feelings- with love or with fear. What I'm exploring just now is ways to shift the reaction from one of fear to one of love. And once again I'm finding that it is behaviour change that leads the way to healthier thoughts and feelings. Kindness is a pretty obvious choice- and humour too. I'm aware there are still so many lessons to come and I'm happy just now to sit with them and allow them to unfold.

In the midst of this down time I had my Oncology check up. This was at the same hospital where I previously had a very long wait when I was feeling quite poorly. However, it was with a different specialist- the Oncologist who I've been with throughout chemotherapy. The one who has helped so much in prescribing to alleviate side-effects. Arriving at the waiting room this time we were greeted by the same nurse who was so apologetic after our long wait. Also there was the assistant doctor to the specialists. They could not have been kinder and I had the opportunity to explain exactly why I had been so upset last time we met. Just having that conversation was healing in itself.

I was also delighted that my lovely breast care nurse from Burnley came to this appointment. She's been a consistent face since the day of diagnosis. Back in September she called in to see me before surgery just to sit a while during what was a potentially anxious time as a procession of nurses, anaesthetist, surgeon and more nurses called into my cubicle to ask me my name, date of  birth and post code. It was her who supported me through the lymphedema infection and made time to change dressings and generally reassure me.  And her friendly face at this latest appointment was very welcome. Especially as she made time to fully examine my armpit and reassure me that the bumps, lumps and discomfort in there are quite normal. Advice regarding exercises I can do to help break down scar tissue once again empower me to take responsibility for helping myself. 

It was at this appointment that arrangements were made for the final part of my treatment journey. The ongoing hormone medication was prescribed- "take one tablet a day for 10 years"! As my cancer was oestrogen receptive as well as protein receptive, this medication is to get rid of any remaining bits of post-menopause oestrogen that may be lurking so there is nothing for those naughty cells to feed on. (There are side-effects but I'm a week into this treatment now and still no testicles so wey-hey!)

As the start of radiotherapy approached we had a further day out playing with singing bowls in St.Anne's, some wonderful time sharing Mantra and much Hub hat frivolity.

Yes I thoroughly enjoyed the treat of a treatment free fortnight. Best of all during this time was feeling 'normal'! And by that I mean starting to feel like my proper, improper old self again! And as the sun rises earlier by the day and the nights stay lighter for longer, I'm feeling myself emerging from that Winter of Content. I don't think I've ever appreciated Spring as much- I am truly loving this one!

                                                                                                                                    Liz x




 More of those Happy Hats and Happy Hubbits! x